We either trust birth, or we fear it. For those of us who trust birth, we feel more like bystanders or sometimes guardians of the birth process. I am a calm and encouraging energy for my clients. For those who fear it, they manage it. Step by step. If it is under their control, then they think they can better predict, better anticipate the next step of management and the next and the next, all the way up until a baby is born, one way or another and even after. Sometimes never wondering what would have happened if they had 'done' nothing and just let it be. Initiating some sort of control at some point, usually followed by further necessary control and intervention, and ending in a completely 'managed' process is so typical in our hospitals today. Mothers may not know any different because this has become birth as we know it in America - we hear the stories from our friends and coworkers.  Managed birth is so fear based.  And quite honestly, the midwives, doctors, or nurses working there in the hospitals may not know different either. But, truth is...birth usually works. By usually, I don't mean 60-70%...I mean USUALLY - like almost always!  Management is almost always unnecessary, yet I see the opposite happening. It is the norm instead. Which creates this atmosphere of fear. I can smell it in the air, I can see it on their faces and in their actions and I can hear it in their words. They are so accustomed to managing each step, they don't even think to do 'nothing'.  Sometimes my job is to replace that fear in the atmosphere with trust and calm.  You know who is often times the calmest?  Mom. She is wondering what all the fuss is about.  Yes, it is the most crazy intense feeling in the world to be pushing a baby out of her vagina, but at the births I attend - mom is listening to her body just as we've talked about prenatally and during labor.  As I glance around the room, I see fear and impatience underneath those trying to seem cool and collected and in control. I can sense discomfort from everyone who is supposed to be the most experienced with childbirth, and then watch this instinctively calm mom who is birthing her baby intuitively. Yet, she is still vulnerable because birth is simply intense...physically and emotionally.  How bizarre that she is usually the one trusting her body more than anyone, right?  Well, maybe not.  I mean, these people living in those moments of fear, impatience, and discomfort are sort of accustomed to these over managed births that do tend to lead to more problems with birth and baby. Yes,  interventions and management do CAUSE things to go wrong which often lead to more interventions and management.  See how this becomes the norm for them?  It is COMMON, but NOT NORMAL.  That is a difference to be understood. Being overcautious is NOT always good, especially when talking about birth.  Our bodies are amazing.  They know what to do.  Yes, birth is hard. Yes, babies go through a lot in the process.  And, yes, that is normal - could we please try to let moms know that???  Are interventions needed sometimes?  Yes, I am no dummy.  All interventions can be useful sometimes.  If we keep being overcautious and overtreating/managing things that come up in pregnancy and birth that can 'possibly' 'maybe' affect a small percentage of women, we are heading towards a culture or a world that eventually will not birth babies vaginally anymore at all.  In fact, let's just imagine that for a second. Ok, now that is something to fear for the future of humankind.

Instead, I'd like to trust. I do trust birth.  The more births I attend, the more I trust.  Most of the births I attend are natural, unmedicated births so yes, I do trust!  When do I sometimes fear?  When interventions and management completely take over the process and the environment changes from one of trust to fear.  I want to take that out of the atmosphere for women. I want to prevent that air of fear in their birthing space. My recipe is this: Prenatal education, nutritional counseling, labor and birth preparation, support for mothers throughout the entire process (ah-hem...doulas!), and caring/trusting care providers in a setting where mom is most comfortable. Wah-lah.  Trust needs to start appearing more in hospitals...it cannot just be the gift that homebirth and some birth center's provide.  This needs to be available for all women.

I have another thought that I often ponder.  What if hospital staff attend some non hospital births sometime?  I think it should be a part of their training - no matter who they are. How much difference that would make if all nurses, doctors, and midwives saw the normalcy of it all enough times to cause them to reflect on their own practices in the hospitals?  It seems to be getting worse rather than better.  How else can we create trust again? 

With each new client that I meet, I am amazed how much each new relationship feels so right.  Including past and present, I'm talking about 18 clients. There is a uniqueness to each connection.  I keep thinking that this cannot keep happening...but I honestly feel something "meant to be" with every single one of my clients and their families.  It is a special thing getting to know a woman during her pregnancy and glimpsing into her family and life.  (I have no doubt that I end up matched with the coolest people EVER! - it is more than me loving people and being sensitive, they really are the BEST!)

Things usually get comfortable quick.  There is a certain trust built sooner rather than later.  We spend time discussing things that she may not even share with another woman friend, mom, practitioner, or sometimes even partner.  When we first meet, we are strangers.  Within a short time, we learn about each other and how our personalities will match up during the remainder of her pregnancy and in labor.  I feel touched to be a part of this important journey.  I have a strong sense of protection over the mom and her labor and birth.  I feel in tune to her feelings, fears, and wishes prenatally.  Feeling the anxiety along with her when things seem like they might take a turn in a direction she didn't want them to.  I'm learning that if this happens in actual labor and not prenatally, how to transform that anxiety into something else positive so that I don't bring any negative energy to her laboring space.  During labor, I spend all this time looking closely at her face, noticing her expressions, listening to her words, watching her body movements, her tension, her breathing.  I understand how she is feeling. 

This is the most 'real' someone gets, and whatever 'comes out' is ok with me - I can hear it, see it, and empathize with it.  It takes a lot to shock me. And, I'm learning quickly through my own experiences that it is true what other doulas and midwives say about the more 'stuff comes out', the better and quicker the baby comes out, too. I am sometimes 'doing' nothing but being 'everything' she needs.  Ya dig? 

If she needs guidance and direction, I give suggestions.  If she needs to be touched, I gladly support her with loving touch.  If she needs space, I make sure she is given that.  If she needs encouragement, I give it with the vibe I'm feeling from her.  I literally pass my energy to her through our connection and know it is going to help her to manage during one of the hardest times of her life.   It is quite powerful.  I let her know that I think she can do this work.  I am proud of her at every step.  I feel so so honored to be there with her on her baby's birth day...it doesn't get more intimate.  It is a very cool thing to only know someone for a few months (in one case of mine, only 24 hrs) and to feel so attached to her 'story' and wanting so much for her to have the birth she desires. Wanting so much for her to look back on this day with good memories and a feeling of empowerment and enjoyment - she'll always remember this day.  Wanting so much for this day to be a starting point for her in becoming a confident mother to her child, whether it is her first, second, or sixth.  I get attached.  Maybe some attachments will be stronger than others, but I do believe that there is a reason each mom and I are  put together for this time in her life.  And I just love getting to know each one of them.  What a joy.  Nothing will ever compare to the attachment I feel with my children, but the attachment I feel with my clients is special, too.  It is hard, just like parenting.  Both are hard because of the effects on my sleep, being on call all the time, and the emotional intensity of it.  It is very similar in a way.  But, I absolutely love my two jobs.   But I'm definitely an attached parent and an attached doula.  :)